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Jumat, 27 Februari 2009

"رأس المال لكارل ماركس" الكتاب الذي هز العالم

يقول ماركس: لا أحسب أن أحداً قط قد كتب عن النقود وجيوبه خاوية إلى هذا الحد

"رأس المال لكارل ماركس.. سيرة".. تاريخ الكتاب الذي هز العالم.. لفرنسيس وين

* "ثقافة اليوم" - بدر الراشد:

حين يدور الحديث عن كارل ماركس، فإننا ندخل عالم بؤس، عالم شديد الغرابة والغموض، شديد التعقيد، ويحمل الكثير من المفارقات والسخرية السوداء في أحايين كثيرة، الكتاب يدور حول كتابة ماركس لسفره الأشهر "رأس المال" وما يتعلق بهذه الكتابة من أحداث ومفارقات، "رأس المال" الكتاب الأكثر تأثيراً في العالم في وقت مضى، حيث يكتب "فرنسيس وين" سيرة رأس المال، يخوض في كيفية كتابة ماركس لتحفته، تلك الكتابة التي سلبت ماركس جل حياته، ولم يشهد إلا طباعة المجلد الأول بعد عقدين من البحث والكتابة ووعود النشر، ثم جمع رفيقه وداعمه الأول إنجلز الأجزاء الثلاثة الأخرى من مسودات ماركس وأوراقه بعد موته.

يقول أحد جواسيس الشرطة البروسية بعد دخوله شقة ماركس في برلين "ماركس يعيش حياة مثقف بوهيمي حقيقي" بل أنه ولشدة الفاقة والبؤس، كان يعيش لأيام هو وزوجته وأبناؤه على أكل الخبز و البطاطا، في الغرفتين اللتين تشكلان المأوى الوحيد لهم، ومرة كتب لإنجلز بأنه لا يستطيع الخروج من البيت، حيث إنه "وبكل فرح" رهن معاطفه ليسدد بعض الديون، وتوفي ثلاثة من أبنائه وهم صغار بسبب هذه الحياة البائسة، وكاد أن يرمي نفسه في قبر ابنه الثالث لكن أحدهم تدخل في اللحظة المناسبة ليمسك به، وكما يقول ماركس عن نفسه "لا أحسب أن أحداً قط قد كتب عن النقود وجيوبه خاوية إلى هذا الحد".

ومع هذه البوهيمية الحقيقية والفقر نجد أن ماركس استمر يماطل أصدقاءه ودار النشر، ليتأخر تسليم المسودة الأولى من رأس المال "المجلد الأول" لعقدين من الزمن، بحثاً عن الكمال، وخوفاً من أي نواقص تعتري هذه التحفة، حيث انتقل من قراءة الأدب إلى علم الفلك، ومن دراسة الاقتصاد والرياضيات إلى الإلمام بالشعر والمسرح، وقراءة تفاصيل التفاصيل حول حياة الطبقة العاملة في بريطانيا، من أوراق أحضرها إليه إنجلز، كما أن إنجلز كتب عنها كتابة "حالة الطبقة العاملة في إنجلترا"، حيث اطلع على بعض الوثائق الهامة لكونه يمتلك أحد المصانع هناك.

لعل الكثيرين لا يعرفون بأن مطامح ماركس في بداية حياته كانت أدبية، حيث كتب وهو على مقاعد الدراسة الجامعية ديواناً شعرياً، ومسرحية شعرية، ورواية عنوانها "سكوربيون و فيليكس" ثم شعر بالهزيمة في هذا المجال، ليفتش عن آفاق أخرى، ليتعرف فيما بعد على أفكار هيجل، ليبدأ حكاية أخرى لم تنته.

مع الحياة البوهيمية والفقر، والتيه في أوروبا، بين بروسيا وإنجلترا وروسيا وألمانيا و فرنسا، كان هاجس "رأس المال" والحديث عن الطبقة البرجوازية، وحقوق الطبقة العاملة "البروليتاريا" وتحول المجتمعات من المجتمع الرأسمالي إلى المجتمع الشيوعي، واستثمار جدلية هيجل، والدخول في سجالات مع "الليبراليين المخجلين" كما يسميهم، مع كل هذا، كان هاجس الكتابة الفلسفية الاقتصادية هو المسيطر على ماركس، الكتابة من أجل حقوق الطبقة العاملة، والتنبؤ بحتمية النهاية للاقتصاد الرأسمالي، بيقين عقائدي لا حدود له!

من المفارقات التي عاشها ماركس، انه لم يلتفت كثيراً للمجتمع الروسي لأنه مجتمع زراعي وإقطاعي "إلى حد ما" ولم يدخل بوابة الرأسمالية، التي يراها ماركس حتمية، لكي تعبر من خلالها المجتمعات إلى الشيوعية، لكن المفارقة أن المجلد الأول من "رأس المال" والذي نشر في حياة ماركس، انتشر في روسيا أكثر من غيرها، حيث نفدت ثلاثة آلاف نسخة من الكتاب خلال عام واحد، بينما نفدت الألف نسخة "الألمانية" من الكتاب في أربعة أعوام.

ماركس الذي تجاهل المجتمع الروسي والاقتصاد الروسي، تفاجأ أثناء حياته برواج أفكاره هناك، وندم لأنه لم يعط روسيا حقها من الدراسة، بل من المفارقات أن الثورة البلشفية في روسيا وبعد وفاة ماركس بعقود صيرت من "رأس المال" كتاباً يكاد أن يقدس.

لكن الفكرة انحرفت، وكما يقول فرنسيس وين في كتابة "الماركسية كما مارسها ماركس نفسه لم تكن إيديولوجيا بقدر ما كانت عملية نقدية وحجاجاً ديالكتيكيا متواصلاً" وربما هذا ما دفع ماركس أن يقول في حسرة "كل ما أعرفه هو أنني لست ماركسياً" بعد حديثه مع أحد الاشتراكيين الماركسيين الفرنسيين.

أما عن الصعوبة التي تواجه من يقرأ ماركس و"رأس المال" تحديداً فيقول فرانسيس وين "رأس المال هو عمل فذ، نسيج وحده، بكل ما للكلمة من معنى، فليس ثمة ما يشبهه ولو من بعيد قبله ولا بعده، وربما كان هذا هو السبب وراء ما لاقاه على الدوام من إهمال أو إساءة تفسير".

"رأس المال لكارل ماركس.. سيرة" من تأليف فرنسيس وين، وترجمه إلى العربية ثائر ديب، ويقع في 159صفحة من القطع المتوسط، وصدرت الطبعة الأولى منه عام 2007م عن مكتبة العبيكان للنشر.

filsafat collectin

Insurance insurance law: an overview

In the absence of insurance, three possible individuals bear the burden of an economic loss; the individual suffering the loss; the individual causing the loss via negligence or unlawful conduct; or lastly, a particular party who has been allocated the burden by the legislature, such as employers under Workmen's Compensation statutes.

While types of insurance vary widely, their primary goal is to allocate the risks of a loss from the individual to a great number of people. Each individual pays a "premium" into a pool, from which losses are paid out. Regardless of whether the particular individual suffers the loss or not the premium is not returnable. Thus, when a building burns down, the loss is spread to the people contributing to the pool. In general, insurance companies are the safekeepers of the premiums. Because of its importance in maintaining economic stability, the government and the courts use a heavy hand in ensuring these companies are regulated and fair to the consumer.

Up until 1944, insurance was not considered "commerce" and not subject to federal regulation. But in United States v. South-Eastern Underwriters Association, the Supreme Court held that Congress could regulate insurance transactions that were truly interstate. Congress then enacted the McCarran-Ferguson Act (15 U.S.C. § 1011) which provided that the laws of the several states should control the insurance business, but that the Sherman Act, the Clayton Act, and the Federal Trade Commission Act were applicable to the insurance business to the extent that it wasunregulated by state law.

The McCarran-Ferguson Act, broadly speaking, gives states the power to regulate the insurance industry. While state insurance statutes override most federal laws, some portions of federal law (like federal tax laws) are always commanding. Therefore, when researching whether a particular law governs, a good rule of thumb is to ask whether the inquiry is related to the "business of insurance" (where state law governs), or whether it is related to peripherals of the industry (labor, tax law, securities - where federal law governs).

Life insurance to continue to flourish

The country's life insurance industry will ride the waves of global economic downturn largely unscathed, with growth in premium income likely to hit 33 percent next year, say business players.

David Beynon, vice chairman of the Indonesian Life Insurance Association (AAJI), told an industry seminar last week that the growth anticipated for 2009 was due to the under-penetrated insurance market, and the nature of the business.

Whilst temporary cuts in profits may inevitable during a downturn, life insurance is a long term business, and profitability should be judged over many years, he said.

Peter Heidinger, managing director and regional industry head of financial institutions for Citi Asia Pacific region, said although the insurance industry declined worldwide in the past year, the Indonesian market is of significant potential, in particular, the life insurance sector.

In 2007, total insurance premiums in Indonesia grew by more than 30 percent. Most of this, 60 percent, came from the life sector. The general sector only rose by 2 percent, Heidinger explained.

The Indonesian insurance market is supported by more than 100 providers, although overall, the insurance market in the country remains significantly under-penetrated, he said.

In terms of life insurance penetration, the Indonesian market in terms of premiums was equivalent to 1.1 percent of GDP in 2007. This was far lower than Singapore's premium penetration of 6.2 percent of GDP, or Malaysia with 3.1 percent.

Indonesian premiums per capita were only $20.4 in 2007, while Singaporeans spent $2,244.7 per capita on premiums and Malaysians $221.5.

A study jointly undertaken by Allianz and the United Nations Development Program in 2006 projected there could be as many as 2 million microinsurance policies in Indonesia by 2010, and that this could double to 4 million by 2012.

Isa Rachmatarwata, head of the insurance division of the Indonesian Capital Market and Non-Bank Financial Institutions Supervisory Agency (Bapepam-LK) said the insurance industry had a huge market still to explore.

He said there was no reason to be pessimistic although a prudent attitude towards investment was required. "The agency will monitor the investment practices of insurance companies, specifically those under investment managers."

Isa said Indonesia's premium income in 2007 was Rp 48.5 trillion (US$4.3 billion) from life insurance and Rp 20.2 trillion from non-life premiums. In the first three quarters of 2008, income from life insurance had reached Rp 40.8 trillion alongside Rp 17.9 trillion for non-life premiums.

For example, insurance company PT Asuransi Jiwa Manulife Indonesia had received Rp 889.7 billion in premiums as of September 2008.

Its new business premiums had grown 108 percent by the third quarter of 2008 compared year on year to the previous period, said Beynon, who is also the president director of the company.

Beynon said insurance products which would be in favor with the customers next year included the traditional premium and the regular unit-linked premium. "These will take over the single premium unit link market and continue to grow."

Single premium unit link is an insurance product that required the policy holder to pay once in advance. The product was then invested into other financial products.

Regular premium unit link is also invested into other products in another financial body, but the customers pay the premiums in installments.

insurance in indonesia

Joint Venture Insurance Companies

Mecial insruance for your family during your stay in Indonesia There are several joint venture general insurance companies in Indonesia, in affiliation and partnership with reputable European, North American and Japanese insurance firms. When it comes to choosing an insurance company, the issue is usually trust - and who you feel comfortable dealing with. So a trusted company from your home country with familiar policy structures and claims procedures may be easier to deal with. Some Joint venture general insurance companies in Indonesia also offer reliable medical insurance. All of them offer traveler's, homeowners’ and household insurance, personal liability insurance and - , car/motor vehicle (third party, own damage, personal accident driver/passenger) and life insurance - with terms you can understand (wordings of insurance policies in Bahasa Indonesia and in English).

Home Country Insurance

Ask your insurance company in your home country what coverage they offer during your stay overseas, as well as during travel to and from your new posting and on business trips. For example, you may assume that your homeowners policy will cover you no matter where you live, but in actuality, there may be many situations that are not covered by your home country insurance policy during your stay overseas. Also, there are always complications in processing claims, if overseas-based companies have no one to investigate locally.

Regardless of possible insurance coverages in your home country we advise you to locally purchase insurance protections for your property (if you own it), your household, your car(s), your personal liability and your domestic staff. Whereas for your medical insurance policy in your home country, you might already have sufficient coverage.

Insurance for your employees

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If you are working for a multinational firm in Indonesia, you can also ensure protection for your employees - through group policies for health, life and personal accident. Often these medical schemes are good selling points in encouraging competent Indonesian staff to join your firm. These joint venture general insurance firms can also manage an internal insurance scheme, if you'd prefer to keep it all in-house. The government accident insurance scheme, Jamsostek, covers employee accident, death, old age and health care. Portions of the premium are paid by the company and the employee. This scheme is obligatory for companies with more than 10 employees and a payroll of more than Rp 1,000,000/month.

Insurance for household staff

It is customary for expats (as well as Indonesians) to cover the basic medical expenses of their household staff and drivers. Your maids, cook and driver may expect reimbursement of all medical expenses, out-patient and hospital, as well as assistance with maternity. Unlike in the west ... these medical bills are very reasonable as your servants will go to neighborhood practitioners, who don't charge high rates. To ensure that you don't get stuck with high medical bills for a household staff member, it is recommended that you make it a pre-condition of their employment that they pass a medical exam where they would be checked for TB and other communicable diseases. If a staff member you have already hired does have a serious disease that requires long term treatment, it may be better to supply them with medicine and have them return to the village for their recovery period.

Your household staff will probably hope that your generosity will carry over to their children and spouse. While not required, it is quite common that expats assist in paying medical expenses of immediate family members of their household staff, on a case-by-case basis. Some may ask for loans for medical care for extended family members. Again, it's best to approach these requests on an individual case-by-case basis.

Employment with local firms

s If you are coming to Indonesia with a local firm, don't assume they will offer the same comprehensive insurance coverage you would receive if working for a multinational company. Expats, in general, have a higher insurance awareness than most Indonesians, and this is reflected in company benefit policies. Many companies cover medical expenses under a reimbursement scheme to cover medical expenses, instead of an insurance policy. This means that all (or a percentage of) medical expenses are directly reimbursed by the company. Some companies set limits for lower-level employees, for example reimbursements up to a set amount per year, or up to the equivalent of one month's gross salary.

Things to look for in an insurance company:

  • Company with a long presence in Indonesia and a profitable balance sheet.
  • A name you can trust and select among the top 20 insurance companies.
  • Customer service in English (or your native language) - it's your right to expect good service
  • Length of time to payment of claim (local companies are very slow – mainly due to their different service mentality and their low insurance premium requests – cause them to delay claims payments allowing them to compensate their low premium income with some investment income))
  • Is the insurance coverage worldwide or local
  • Does your coverage include special riot provisions
  • Does your coverage include acts of nature such as floods, volcanic eruptions, and earthquakes (very important in Indonesia)
  • Be sure the agent or broker you deal with is used to dealing with the expectations of expatriates
  • Check out the websites and the possibility to purchase the insurance product on line or directly from the insurance company without an intermediary.

Of particular note in these uncertain times, be sure that your insurance has special riot provisions. Since the May 1998 riots in Jakarta, there is an increased awareness of the need for less ambiguous clauses in policies to guard against riot-related claim/payment disputes. Floods are VERY common in Jakarta and earthquakes are common throughout Indonesia, be certain that these acts of nature are adequately covered.

Insurance policies can be written in rupiah or dollar and premiums charged accordingly. If the potential expenses for your coverage are dollar-related (possible overseas medical care, replacement of imported auto parts) you may want to consider the merits of a dollar policy versus a limited policy which reimburses in rupiah.

Crimes against expatriates

s Don't assume that because you are an expat you are somehow exempt from the current political turmoil and unrest in Indonesia. While expats are not targeted per se - we are, in general, conceived of as being wealthy. Most criminal elements are afraid to steal from expats (they're afraid you have some kind of special clout). Persistent rumors that the police deal very harshly with thieves who target expats also helps to deter crimes against expats. One of the most common crimes against expats is household robberies which are usually perpetrated by a seriously disgruntled ex-household staff member. Seldom are things recovered that have been stolen due to the lack of investigating capabilities of the police. So, sentimental items, ones you can't bear to lose, are best left in your home country.

Foreign installations, factories, mines and plants, are under increasing pressure due to the new regionalization of power and authority in the country. Decades of perceived injustice, where multinationals collaborated with the powers that be in Jakarta (the former president's family and his cronies) to extract the wealth from the provinces, has led in the last year to increasing cases of vandalism and destruction of foreign property. Companies should insure adequate coverage in these cases.

Car Insurance

sWhile car insurance is not required in Indonesia, the bank requires insurance if a car is financed. With the high prices of cars in Indonesia, this moving asset is exposed to unpredictable traffic, reckless drivers, flood, theft, and such petty theft as lifting of rear view mirrors and hubcaps. Indonesian drivers have also been known to duplicate car keys, which are later given to thieves to steal the car. Make sure you know exactly what your coverage would be in this instance. Stolen cars are seldom recovered; they are cut up for spare parts or the license plate is changed or they are quickly shipped to the provinces. In the few rare instances in which a stolen car is recovered, they are usually in terrible shape.

To guard against theft - it is best to hire a driver that comes highly recommended by someone who has employed him for a significant period of time.

In case of an car accident, your insurance company chooses the repair shop that you must use. It would be best to find out which repair shop they use in case of an accident, as untrained repairmen can do significant damage to your car.

If you are not fluent in Bahasa Indonesia, we suggest you use caution in making the decision to drive your own car in Indonesia. Because, in case of an accident foreigners will most likely be “declared” as the guilty party regardless of the fact that the foreigner might be liable for the accident. If you have a driver, please let the driver handle the case at the scene of the accident.

Please carefully choose your insurance company for your car insurance (third party liability, own damage and personal accident of driver/passengers) and the price should not be your only priority. Be aware that you will find a number of low premium providers and the value of such products will only be discovered after your claim.

Personal liability insurance

This coverage is a must for expatriates living in Indonesia. Please check your policy in your home country, whether or not it includes worldwide coverage, which gives you some comfort in case of a legal dispute while you are traveling. Despite your worldwide coverage, we recommend you purchase a personal liability policy in Indonesia with a joint venture insurance company. Because the judicial system in Indonesia is a nightmare for foreigners, you are well advised to delegate this job to a capable insurance company, which will either compensate you for the claim or dispute it on your behalf.

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Investment Products

The extra income you make as an expat working overseas can also be invested in an insurance scheme/product in which you can save for your kids' education or your retirement. While the changes involved in moving to Indonesia bring a lot of uncertainty to your life, it's just as important to protect your achievements and your assets in Indonesia as it is in your home country.

How To Cut Your Car Insurance Costs

When it comes to saving money these days, even those expenses normally thought of as fixed are fair game -- like auto insurance.

The cost of insuring your car remained fairly stable in 2008, with average increases of 2.5 percent to 3 percent, according to Carolyn Gorman, vice president of the Insurance Information Institute, or III. But that doesn't mean you can't find ways to cut your premiums.

In fact, industry insiders and consumer advocates are full of suggestions on how to do just that. Some apply equally well to everyone, while others are better suited for families with teen or senior drivers. Several moves, which involve cutting or minimizing certain types of coverage, will work better in some situations than others, so consider all the angles before you try them. And then there are the "old reliables" -- classic insurance tips that never go out of style.

We'll break the money-saving techniques down into four categories.

All drivers
Track the mileage on each vehicle. Insurance companies always ask how many miles your car is driven annually, and the answer is factored into the premium. If you've cut back on driving because of volatile gas prices, you may be in line for a rate reduction. Similarly, if you've started driving a smaller car in the family fleet rather than the big sedan or sport utility vehicle, you're probably putting fewer miles on the old gas guzzler. Even if you add another car, don't assume you'll be driving it the same number of miles as the first car. Many times, the total miles driven gets split between two cars, and the better mileage model often gets driven more nowadays, says Mark Savage, senior attorney for Consumers Union. Give your agent an accurate assessment of how many miles you put on each of your cars -- but make sure you don't overestimate -- and you could be in for some savings.

Get the volume discount. By covering your home and auto (or more than one car) through the same company, you can save up to 15 percent on each premium, says Madelyn Flannagan, vice president of education and research with the Independent Insurance Agents & Brokers of America.

Shop around. Consumers see it as perfectly natural to comparison shop for the best prices on electronics, household goods and food, but they don't do the same for auto insurance. One driver can see "massive differences in the premiums" with different companies, Savage says. But make sure you're comparing the same coverage, he says. Be alert to differences in policies and terms. Also important: getting service in a format that works for you. Do you want a local office and agent? "You may pay a little extra for the privilege," Savage says. Conversely, a company that contacts customers almost exclusively through long-distance phone calls, mail and e-mail might offer a lower price but leave you cold in the personal service department. "It's important that the consumer know what he or she wants," Savage says.

Having Fun Without Sex Ideas

In this day and age saving sexual encounters until you are married or are sure you are with your life partner is a wonderful idea and a great set of values for all people not just the teenagers.
There are other fun and exciting alternatives to having sexual intercourse with each other, that let you enjoy each others company and that let bond with one another also.

You can enjoy giving each other a soothing and relaxing foot massage using a really good foot moisturizing rub and even get him to do a paint job on your toes afterwards. Give him a added bonus of a neck and back massage for a paint job well done.

Hold hands and steal precious kisses while you are out in public places, let everyone around you know you two are a true couple and love each other.

Order a delicious dessert and ask for two spoons, share this delectable sweet treat with one another and even feed it to each other if you are brave enough. This is a very romantic thing for a couple to do together.

Caress one another’s faces while you share an unbelievably sweet kiss with each other.

Just lie together in each others arms and listen to the beats of your hearts sounding together, tune everything else out in the world except the two of you and the moment you are sharing right now.

Plan a picnic, pack up a nice cozy blanket, picnic supplies, drinks, sandwiches, chips and fruit and head out into the great wild world, drive wherever you want to whether it is in the mountains, at the beach or to the lake and stop for a quiet romantic picnic for just you two wherever you feel is the right spot.

Play board or card games with one another, you will be spending time together and having fun competing with each other also.

Relax by the pool or the lake, put sun block or suntan oil on each other and lounge around catching some rays together, go for a swim and even go fishing together and see who is the better fisher person.

Go dancing with each other, if you don’t know how, go out and take dancing lessons together then wow all your friends at the dance parties and clubs.

Pick one night a week to cook up a delicious meal with each other. Pick a different recipe every week and make sure he helps with the slicing, mincing and stirring as well. When all the work is done, sit down just the two of you and enjoy your masterpiece made by you two as a team. Sit the table with candles and your nice dishes and enjoy the rest of the evening.

And last but definitely it is not the least, talk with each other and keep the flow of communication going between the two of you, this will help strengthen your relationship and iron out any issues each of you may have. You will also be better able to confide with each other about everything.

Sex does not have to be all there is in a relationship between two people. Many people are choosing not to have sex until they are married and you can too, without compromising romance and bonding with the one you care for and still have great fun together.

Why I Hate Porn

The New American Webster Dictionary defines pornography as obscene art, writings, etc. Pornography is defined as something obscene, yet it is a billion dollar business. In 2006, the porn industry brought in over 13 billion dollars in revenue. Statistics further show that every 39 minutes there is a new pornographic video being created in the United States and there are 4.2 million pornographic websites available on the Internet. How can something so obscene capture the attention of so many? The answer is that porn appeals to our imaginations.

Pornography is not reality, it is fantasy. Porn is comprised of sexually stimulating imagery and fantasy elements. It provides an individual with immediate sexual gratification. If not careful, this desire for sexual gratification can lead to addiction. This addiction can then cause one’s life and / or career to be in jeopardy. It is not uncommon to hear about individuals being caught checking out porn at work. A career that may have taken years to build is suddenly over. The potential for addiction is just one reason why I don’t like watching porn.

Porn can be further defined as an erotic fantasy. This is similar in nature to a romantic fantasy, but the sex scenes are far more graphic. We have all seen our share of romantic movies. The characters change, but the plot is typically the same. A man and woman meet. They have a chemistry between them. At some point something in the story line keeps them from being together. In the end, they are reunited and live happily ever after. I’m sure we all wish life could be this wonderful, but it’s not. There is a little something called reality that we all must deal with. Adult movies are not reality. They do not depict acts that happen in real life. Porn sells you on the fantasy. People who become addicted to porn, in part, are in love with the fantasy world it creates. This is another reason why I don’t like watching porn.

The porn industry has taken our favorite fantasy characters and used them in sexual ways. This is called erotic fan fiction. Characters are taken from fantasy novels and movies, such as The Lord of the Rings, and put into porn. There is even a sub category of erotic fan fiction called elf porn. I don’t know about you, but I do not want to see my favorite hobbit engaged in some explicit sex act. Yet another reason why I don’t like watching porn.

Some may try to make the argument that porn can improve a married person’s sex life. The opposite is actually true, it can destroy it. Porn creates lustful feelings in people. Lust is defined as being the opposite of love. Watching porn with your spouse may bring immediate pleasure, but it won’t last. Lust makes one crave more. Soon the person will find him or herself looking for more exciting ways to meet his or her sexual needs. The fantasy will eventually take over and the spouse will not be able to meet those new expectations. This will create tension in the bedroom and the marriage will begin to suffer. This is why my husband and I do not like watching porn.
Porn is a billion dollar industry. As long as people crave it, there will be a market for it. An internet search will reveal advertisements for porn fantasy week vacations. These are all inclusive vacations that send travelers to porn sets all around the world with the promise of getting to “work” with the stars. Pornography transports people into fantasy worlds that offer immediate sexual gratification. If not careful, these fantasies can begin to take over one’s life. This can lead to devastating consequences. There is an easy solution, don’t watch it. Porn is not reality and that is why I don’t like watching porn.

Fun Date Ideas

Healthy sexual intimacy is an important part of a strong relationship. For some that is the only time they feel connected to their mate. Having a fun and fulfilling life with each other outside of the bedroom is just as important as inside. Planning a fun evening can sometimes be a chore but there are many things that you can do with your mate that don’t require a lot of thought or effort. Whether you and your partner need to reconnect or you are just looking for a fun night together take the initiative to plan a night that you’ll both enjoy. Many times looking to the simple and basic things can be the most difficult but can be the most rewarding.

You can start by reflecting on the past. What sort of things did you do together when you first started dating? Recreate some special moments with the restaurant where you shared your first date or the park you used to take long romantic walks together. Having fun doesn’t always have to require a big idea. With all of the craziness of busy schedules many couples find just being together at home with no distractions to be the trick. Surprise your mate by letting them know what time to be home and have everything all ready. Turn off the phones and have a romantic dinner at home complete with your favorite video and some ice cream. It could be the most fun you have had in a long time!

What are some things that you really enjoy? Depending on the season you can take a long drive and go pumpkin picking or hit the farm stands for fresh fruits and vegetables. Take a tour of the vineyards in your area if there are some and sample some fine wine. Just sit back and enjoy the scenery and the opportunity for the kind of conversation that only being in the car for a few hours will allow. You could drive around to nowhere and get lost together. See how you could make your way back home by working together to find your way…and no stopping to ask for directions either! Is your favorite team or band going to be in town on a day that you could get tickets? Why not make it a double date and meet up with some friends at the stadium or amphitheatre and go out to dinner afterwards. Everyone needs to scream for their favorites every once in a while to get the adrenaline going.

Speaking of adrenaline; are you into extreme sports? Nothing can get the blood flowing like a death-defying stunt to get the blood flowing. You could research local places in the area that offer activities like skydiving, bungee jumping, or parasailing. You could even do these activities “tandem” where you get to jump or sail together; especially if one of you gets a little scared! Balance out the excitement at a local spa where you can wind down and enjoy a massage for two. It could be the perfect end to an exciting weekend or just what you need at the start of it to make all of the workweek woes go away.
Being intimate with your mate doesn’t always have to involve being in between the sheets. A few hours and a little creativity can be just what the doctor ordered. The fun you have will make what happens in the bedroom even more intimate and the memories you share will last a lifetime.

Dealing With Specific Sexual Problems

There is a tendency to think “I’m the only one who has this sexual problem or thought.” In a society were youth and beauty are worshiped, one may also think “young people are great in bed; old people have sexual problems (or no sex at all).” In reality, about 30% of all males and 40% of all females sometimes lack sexual desire, 37% of college students have trouble occasionally getting an erection or getting lubricated, 30% or more of sexually active college women don’t orgasm regularly, 23% of college men ejaculate too soon, and 20% or more of both sexes have doubts about their sexual adequacy (Koch, 1982; Rubenstein, 1983). So our sexually liberated society hasn’t freed us from sexual worries, it may multiply them. But, there’s hope, 75% of the elderly, who are still sexually active, say lovemaking gets better with the years (Starr & Weiner, 1982).

It is no wonder we have sexual problems. Sexual activities by children and young people, even private masturbation, is described negatively and forbidden–even considered a serious sin. It is estimated that 11% of men and 23% of women are sexually molested as children. 22% of women have been forced by a lover to do some sexual act they didn’t want to do. Sexual experimentation may give little pleasure and lots of distress, including rejection, guilt, and unwanted pregnancy. In short, our sex drives are a testimony to our physiology and raging hormones (and to the emphasis on sexual seduction in our entertainment), not to our wholesome child rearing, our enlightened sex education, or to our psychosexual history.

Of course, everyone has heard of the “mid-life crisis.” Sometimes, about age 40, “sexual burnout” occurs. This is when sex with a long-term partner becomes boring, the relationship seems emotionally empty, and both may feel tired and sexually hopeless or inadequate. Barry McCarthy (1982), a psychotherapist, reports that many couples seeking counseling have devoted very little time to improving their sex life or their relationship. Yet, many seeking therapy (80%) have found the time to have affairs, hoping to spice up their sagging sex lives or to stimulate their flagging sexual energy. Also, keep in mind that when a sexually burned out couple gets a divorce, both will frequently go through a torrid love affair with a new lover (so it’s psychological, not physical) and then find that the same sexual problems are gradually reappearing with the second partner (Kolodny, 1983). So, we aren’t just animals operating on instincts either; “our mind is our biggest sex organ.”

There are some excellent comprehensive self-help books which address a variety of sexual problems (Masters, Johnson & Kolodny, 1994; Kaplan, 1987; Yaffe & Fenwick, 1988). Margolies (1994) has written for the wives of men with sexual problems. Reinisch (1990), from the Kinsey Institute, tells us a variety of facts we need to know to be sexually informed. Weinrich (1987) sheds research light on several sexual puzzles, including homosexuality. We will briefly survey only the more common sexual problems and how to treat them.

Lack of sexual interest

A few people experience very little sexual drive, even in new romantic relationships. But most of us are obsessed with sex in the early infatuation stages of a relationship. We eagerly spend hours every day touching, kissing, holding, fondling, and sexually arousing our new love. Yet, after a few years, the burning interest wanes. Sex becomes routine. Why? We don’t understand it, but it happens to all of us to some extent, e.g. the frequency of intercourse declines from once a day (for a short while) to once a week years later. It is an expected transformation. The change is so gradual we hardly notice it. Suddenly we realize that the person who once drove us crazy can undress in front of us and we hardly notice. Some people go for weeks without wanting sex, some reject their partner’s advances.

Part of the problem is that many of us think everyone else (except our parents and the other “old folks”) is having hot sex every night, and probably “getting some” on the side as well. Thinking that way, we may feel we are not as sexual as others. However, a recent objective survey (Michael, Gagnon, Laumann & Kolata, 1994) found that less than 8% of us are having sex more than four times a week. Two thirds of us have sex “a few times” per month or less. The remaining 30% of us have sex only a few times a year or less. So, Americans aren’t as sexually obsessed as we may think.

Inhibited sexual desire is the most common sexual problem, about 50% of all long-term relationships have a partner who lacks interest. In 15-20% of the cases of serious loss of interest there are physical causes, so check this out with a medical specialist. For instance, in menopausal women the lack of androgens causes a loss of sex drive so estrogen-androgen therapy is needed. Also, when men have trouble getting or keeping an erection, which could certainly cause a lack of interest, almost half the time there is a physical health factor or cause. If sex is not enjoyable because a climax can not be reached (see later discussion), intercourse may be avoided. Much of the time, however, the simple lack of interest is caused by psychological factors: depression, feeling up tight, fear of pregnancy, stress at work, feeling unattractive, fear of intimacy, anger towards the partner, a power struggle with the partner, old beliefs about sex being dirty, traumatic experiences, guilt about extramarital interests, a fear of not being able to perform sexually or, most commonly, “feeling tired” (Knox, 1984; Masters, Johnson & Kolodny, 1985). Several sex therapists have described ways of solving the problem of low sex drive or “inhibited sexual desire” (Kaplan, 1995–rather clinical and treatment oriented; Covington, 1992; Knopf & Seiler, 1991; Williams, 1988). Here is a summary of the suggestions.

If sex has just become boring, spice it up and make a production out of it. Once a week go out to dinner, go dancing, go to a comedy club, with the clearly stated intention of being seductively romantic and then coming home with plenty of time to make love. At other times when you are just at home, get showered and dressed in sexy outfits before going to bed–and spend some time smooching before intercourse. Try having sex in different places or at different times, perhaps in the morning or right after exercising. Give each other a bath and/or full body massages. Read together a book about sexual techniques, then talk, as needed, about how your sexual enjoyment can be increased. Look at each other during sex play and tell your partner how wonderful it feels and looks as you are making love and climaxing. Talk, talk, talk, until someone says “let’s not talk so much” and kisses you. Learn to enjoy this fantastic “gift” of life.

Obviously, some of the time, a personal-interpersonal problem will have to be solved before the sexual juices can flow naturally. If there is friction between two people, usually the sex drive immediately drops but it will automatically reappear as soon as the conflicts are resolved. Talk to each other about minor irritations as well as major problems. It has been shown that relationship therapy can improve a couple’s sex life and sex therapy can improve their relationship. See the discussion above for improving the marriage.

When a couple are miffed at each other, males and females often have differing notions about how to get emotionally back together (Bergner & Bergner, 1990). 35% of males think making love is the best way to make up (65% of women strongly disagree). This disagreement reflects, in part, how the sexes view intercourse. Males see sex as a way to establish a positive love relationship, e.g. early in a courtship the male will say, “don’t just tell me you love me, show me by having sex!” Sex proves to him that she likes him. A female knows sex doesn’t prove he loves her, so she wants to be chosen, valued, wooed, and loved first, usually by talking, touching, and doing things together, before having sex which to her only confirms an already established love. Otherwise, she may feel sexually “used” (”he’s only interested in sex”). So, after being miffed, the wife may reject her husband’s sexual advances (his way of making up), resulting in his seeing her as asexual, cold, and sexually manipulative (”you have to be nice to me first”). They are at an impasse unless they see what is going on and both give in, namely, he should verbally and in non-sexual ways express his affection and willingness to “straighten things out.” She should try to understand and accept his interest in sex as a sign that he wants to re-establish a warm, loving relationship.

Hajcak and Garwood (1987) believe that sex is frequently undertaken (without conscious awareness) to satisfy some other need, such as loneliness (”no matter how many people I go to bed with, I still feel lonely”), affection, intimate sharing of feelings, reassurance of being loved, escape from sadness or boredom, and maybe even to express anger. If sex doesn’t meet those other needs, then for such people, sex isn’t achieving its purpose and they come to believe their sexual relations are poor. These authors try to help people meet the other needs in more appropriate ways–or at least get the other needs out of the bedroom. Good sex only meets our sexual needs, not curiosity or achievement needs and perhaps not even loneliness or intimacy needs. We have to discover and deal with the underlying extraneous needs we are trying to meet by having sex .

Other interpersonal reasons why sexual interest is low include this kind of thinking: “he/she has more (or fewer) sexual needs than I have, so I’ll let him/her decide when we’ll have sex,” “he/she turned me down last time, I didn’t like that, so I’ll just wait,” or “I’m tense and not very horny, I don’t want to give him/her the impression I’m interested.” When these kinds of inhibitions have been openly disclosed and discussed, the sexual drive–of moderate strength–will probably return.

Probably the most common device for increasing sexual zest is the VCR and adult films. This is apparently effective and enjoyable stimulation for many people. But some people prefer their partner become interested in and sexually excited by watching (and interacting with) them rather than someone else on tape. Moreover, if a person is already unhappy with his/her body or insecure about his/her love making, watching beautiful, well endowed people making (or faking) wildly passionate love, could increase his/her self-criticism and inhibition. Each person has to figure out what turns him/her on; then compromises have to be made with the partner.

Besides improving the relationship, having stimulating sexual thoughts, and reducing the negative emotions, the self-helper with a low sex drive should concentrate on re-learning how to enjoy sex, so he/she will have an increased interest in sex. Usually a method called “sensate focus” is used by sex therapists. This involves getting undressed with your partner, which can be sexy itself, but refraining from touching his/her genitals or breasts, thus, removing the pressure to perform sexually. While nude, each person lovingly touches and is touched, savoring the sensations (note: you aren’t attempting to sexually arouse the partner). In fact, sex isn’t permitted during the first few sessions of this exercise. In the next phase (a few hours or sessions later), the breasts and genitals are included and touched. Each partner must show the other what feels good by guiding their partner’s hands. Intercourse is still prohibited. In the final stage, the massaging and fondling leads up to the woman getting on top and playing with the penis, guiding it to, around, and away from her clitoris and vagina. The idea is to focus on and enjoy the sexual sensations but remain comfortable and without any pressure to perform. Eventually, intercourse occurs naturally.

Men’s sexual problems

Men, in general, talk about their sexual conquests but not their sexual concerns. They tend to keep up the strong male image, including the impression that they are fantastic in bed and that they have no problems (except they “can’t get enough”). Yet, males usually feel responsible for sex–for approaching the woman, arranging the place, skillfully handling the foreplay, and producing both orgasms. Moreover, too many macho males think sex is all that really matters in a relationship; sharing feelings and problems, being tender and caring, doing things together that she likes to do, getting to know each other deeply, etc. are seen too often as silly women’s stuff. These men just don’t get it: good loving is not in the penis, it is in the heart and the mind. If sex were just coming to a climax, then we’d just masturbate. Sex is a mental-interpersonal process, not just a brief physical act. With males having all these responsibilities, misconceptions, and sexist attitudes, the truth is men have a lot of sexual problems.

The males who have a hostile, chauvinistic attitude towards women are responsible for much of the rape, abuse, and harassment of children and adult women. About 2 million girls are sexually abused by a father, brother, or other relative every year, another 3 million by rapists and child molesters. By 16, 20% of all girls have become victims of incest. In addition, about 25% of all college women become victims of rape or attempted rape, 60% of the time it was on a date. These statistics reflect very serious sexual-hostility problems in men. Sexual abuse is discussed in chapter 7 because it is selfish aggression, not love.

With more women insisting on equality and becoming more sexually active and sophisticated, men are becoming more interested in being well informed. They are realizing their differences with women. Several books about male sexual anatomy, sexual functions, sexual techniques, sexual communication, sexual diseases, sexual problems, etc. have become popular (Purvis, 1992; Doyle, 1989; and especially Zilbergeld, 1992).

On confidential questionnaires, half of all males say they are not happy with their sex life (many complain about their wives). Most do not seek professional help, but in the privacy of a therapist’s office, the most common problems of males are “I can’t get it up” and, essentially the opposite, “I come too quickly.” Most males have had a few experiences with a weak or partial erection, especially when drinking, tired, rushed, lacking privacy, or with a new partner. Anxiety is a common factor here. When the male is unable to get an erection over 25% of the time, it is called “impotency.” Reportedly, most erection difficulties start with a physical problem, such as diabetes, drug and alcohol use, and high-blood-pressure medication. So, see an urologist. There are injections for impotency (Eid & Pearce, 1993) if it can’t be cured any other way. Psychological reactions to impotency add to the problem, of course. Most of the cases with erection problems can be helped by physical and psychological treatment combined.

An average, normal male has several erections every night, even at age 65 the penis is erect an hour and a half every night! If erections do not occur after being checked and treated for physical problems, then psychological treatment is needed. Most therapists treat an erection problem by (1) teaching the male to satisfy his partner without using his penis and (2) having the partner stimulate the penis repeatedly (without intercourse or ejaculation) until the male gains confidence it will work. The relationship may also need to be worked on. There is a self-help book for this problem (Williams, 1986). A variety of psychotherapies are effective about 2/3rds of the time, reflecting the role of psychological and interpersonal factors. But don’t overlook the physical causes; they are important.

Anxiety is when for the first time you can’t do it a second time; panic is when for the second time you can’t do it once.

Ejaculating quickly and intensely could certainly be considered a sign of potency, rather than inadequacy. But if either partner wants the female to climax during intercourse with stimulation only being provided by the penis, then quick ejaculations are a problem, called “premature ejaculation .” Almost all males occasionally ejaculate sooner than they’d like. Perhaps 20% of males consistently have difficulty controlling their ejaculation, but only 20% or less of that group seek help with the problem. It can be changed.

Several things might be helpful with premature ejaculations: (1) use a condom to reduce the stimulation, (2) have one or two drinks before sex, (3) think about other things, (4) ejaculate twice (usually premature ejaculations are no problem the second time), (5) satisfy the partner in other ways and, then, both enjoy the male’s quick, powerful climax, (6) avoid deep thrusting by letting the tip of the penis massage clitoris and play at the opening of the vagina or by leaving the penis fully inserted and concentrate on rubbing the pubic areas together (whatever feels good to the female), (7) stop stimulating the penis before reaching “the point of no return” and relax a moment, and (8) use the squeeze technique. The latter method involves squeezing the penis (fingers on top and thumb on bottom) right behind the head or near the base. This is done just before reaching the “point of no return” (when ejaculation can’t be avoided). A hard squeeze reduces the urge to ejaculate. In this way the female partner can teach the male to keep an erection. Masters and Johnson claim a 96% success rate. Kaplan’s (1989) self-help book, How To Overcome Premature Ejaculation, is recommended.

There are other male problems, such as being unable to ejaculate in the vagina or taking a long time to do so. These are rare but treatable, usually by a sex therapist. There may be relationship problems. But, a desensitizing process might be tried first involving these steps: (1) masturbating alone thinking of your partner for a week or so, (2) masturbating in front of partner during the next week, (3) being masturbated by partner for another week or so, and (4) being aroused by partner to near the point of ejaculation and then inserting the penis in the vagina. After successfully ejaculating inside the female in this manner several times, the fears usually disappear. This procedure is successful in about 75% of the cases (Masters, Johnson & Kolodny, 1985).

For more information about the treatment of premature ejaculations and impotence, call 312-725-7722. Another problem, sexual addiction, is more common among men than women (see Carnes, 1991), e.g. over 50% of men think about sex every day (or several times a day) but less than 20% of women do. General references are Pervis (1992) and Zilbergeld (1992).

Sex Education 4 Teens

Belakangan ini praktik seks bebas (free sex) yang menjalar di kalangan remaja telah menjadi masalah serius. Berubahnya orientasi seks para remaja, dari berhubungan intim suami istri yang sah kepada pemenuhan hasrat seksual tanpa ikatan apa pun (suka sama suka), adalah fenomena umum remaja modern. Mereka menjadi terlalu permisif untuk saling menyentuh, berpelukan, berciuman, petting (bercumbu tanpa melakukan coitus), dan bahkan bersenggama dengan lawan jenis. Memang tidak semua remaja melakukan itu. Tapi, penelitian membuktikan bahwa angkanya selalu bertambah dari tahun ke tahun.

Islam tidak melarang orang untuk memenuhi hasrat seksualnya. Namun, hal itu harus dilakukan dengan cara mulia; tidak dengan mengumbar nafsu kebinatangan. Seks bahkan diakui sebagai daya kehidupan penting yang diberikan Allah kepada hamba-hamba-Nya demi kelanjutan hidup manusia. Pengakuan syariat terahdap seks membebaskan seorang muslim dari bahaya kekalutan jiwa dan pengaruh negatifnya. Sebab, bagaimanapun, perilaku seks bebas banyak meninggalkan dampak negatif masalah-maaslah kejiwaan seperti perasaan berdosa dan stres. Belum lagi dampak negatif lainnya berupa penyakit menular seperti AIDS.

Oleh karena itu, pendidikan seks yang komprehensif, seperti yang dijelaskan oleh buku ini, mutlak diperlukan. Persoalan seks tak perlu lagi ditutup-tutupi atau dianggap tabu untuk dibicarakan. Para pendidik dan para orang tua harus menyadari bahwa kekeliruan perilaku seks remaja adalah juga karena pendidikan yang kurang lengkap dan terbuka.

Kamis, 26 Februari 2009

sigmund freud

Freud - A interpretacao dos sonhos I.doc

Obras Completas de Sigmund Freud Psicanálise.zip

Freud - A interpretacao dos sonhos II.doc

Freud - Sobre a psicopatologia da vida cotidiana.doc

Freud_para_Principiantes_(CV)e.pdf

(ebook - science - phychology) Sigmund Freud - A Philosophy of Life.pdf

foucault - Nietzche, Freud, Marx.PDF

Freud - Totem e Tabu.doc

Belinda - Ni Freud Ni Tu Mamá (Instrumental).mp3

Freud - Obras Completas - Vol. 04 - A interpretação dos sonhos 1.pdf

Freud - O futuro de uma ilusao.doc

Freud - O mal estar na civilizacao.doc

Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Freud.pdf

PsiqWeb - conceitos de Jung e Freud e Teoria da Personalidade.doc

Sigmund Freud - Moisés e o Monoteísmo.pdf

Freud e Wittgenstein - a perspicácia do cientista e a sabedoria do filósofo.pdf

Freud, Piaget e Vigotski: concepções de infância.pdf

Freud - Obras Completas - Vol. 19 - O ego e o ID.pdf

Freud - Obras Completas - Vol. 11 - Cinco lições de psicanálise.pdf

Freud - Obras Completas - Vol. 02 - Estudos sobre a histeria.pdf

Freud - Obras Completas - Vol. 06 - Sobre a psicopatologia da vida cotidiana.pdf

Freud - Obras Completas - Vol. 18 - Além do princípio do prazer.pdf

Freud - A dinâmica da transferência.pdf

Freud - Obras Completas - Vol. 13 - Totem e tabu.pdf

Sigmund Freud - Obras psicologicas completas

freud - obras completas - vol. 17 - história de uma neurose infantil.pdf

Said Nursi

dursun ali erzincanli said nursinin duasi.mp3

Bediuzzaman_Said_Nursi-Genclik_Rehberi.mp3

Said-i Nursi.mp3

Mirac_Sozler_Said_nursi.doc

Selasa, 24 Februari 2009

link exchange

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